The Martyred Madonna
“I valued your accomplishments more than I
esteemed my own…my role as mother surpassed any other role I had. I was prouder
of what you had done than any accomplishment I achieved…”
The over glorification of motherhood hurts us all; the
selfless matriarch paints an unrealistic picture of ‘Mommy.’ Woman is
self-sacrificing through the act of pregnancy and motherhood, an adopted
societal ideology over years of patriarchal penetration, debases the foundations
of feminism and undermines fathers and other parental figures alike. The Martyred
Madonna, an object to her family and proclaimed “God-bearer” is a master
manipulator, playing the female victim card to emotionally control. Miss marionette holds the strings…the world
her stage.
Many truths are revealed in the paradigms of tragedy and
comedy. “You know what your problem is? You’re putting the pussy on a
pedestal!” (The 40 Year Old Virgin). Do you know how hard it is to find a
pedestal?!
For many years I held family in high regard. During
adolescence, I was reminded of sacrifices made for the children and barraged
with statements such as, “I sacrificed my life for you!” or “I gave up so much
for you!” Comments like this may be wielded by narcissistic parents in efforts
to, “control and emotionally blackmail their offspring and instill in them
guilt, shame and codependence” (Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited, pg.
621).
Emotional incest or shared psychosis, another manipulative
tactic, employs the method of: triangularization, wherein one parent forms
alliances with a child against the other parent and/or siblings. Basically, making
good use of U.S. foreign policy, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend”
(Arthashastra, 4th Century B.C.). This is especially easy to do if
one parent is overtly abusive either physically, verbally, sexually and/or
neglectful with substances. “You and I are united against the whole world, or
at least against your monstrous, no-good father…” (Malignant Self-Love:
Narcissism Revisited, pg. 622).
Earlier this year I discovered that I have a half-sister on
my father’s side. When I met her, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. She
has long blonde hair, big blue eyes, the same nose and that tooth! Meeting her
was life changing and I learned a lot about my family of origin.
I don’t know much about my extended family except what has
been captured and preserved through a lens. Remarks have been made in regards
to my striking resemblance to my paternal grandmother, however upon meeting my
half-sister…
I share this story because though no one could have foretold
or designed my coincidental resemblance, it was a contributing variable in the
malignant familial play. Prior to this knowledge, I empathized with the
personality issues present in the family and became upset at the lack of
support offered. Sadly, I now feel alienated against both parents alike
(Parental Alienation Syndrome).
Remaining in any abusive situation for economical or classist
privilege is self-effacing manipulation. Using it to frighten others to bow
towards your will is equally abusive. Alienating a child from any family member
is abuse. Regrettably, there is no Amber Alert for kidnapping a child’s mind…
"Her"
Process Art by S. Loch - As Originally seen in Dueling Moods Writings and Dual Forms Gallery
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