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To Whom It May Concern

It Is What It Is…Is It?

 To Whom It May Concern

“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are sorry lot indeed.”—Albert Einstein

Last week while running errands with my significant other, I was called an ‘empathy hipster.’ Even as I type the words, I’m unsure how I feel with the label, but in that moment just as now, I am secretly smiling and I would like to tell you why.

This past year I experienced what we refer to in our current culture as: "the one-third life’ crisis." In efforts to embrace a more optimistic outlook in life (my therapist would be proud), I now see the glass differently. My eyes have opened and I now question everything. To become aware of your own consciousness is the next evolutionary paradigm of humanity. 

It has been decidedly difficult finding a focal point for this week’s blog, so instead, I would like to share with you a little bit of everything. Many close to my ‘chosen’ family are aware of our struggles this past year and how assistance in any form is needed. To those unacquainted to my background: I am estranged from my family of origin. Why? Because I believe there are some traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) within members of my family. Manipulation, blackmail and abuse were and remain the foundation of the household system. Emotional extortion being a spoon of choice, is only as innocent as propaganda used to influence and control.

Earlier this week, I reached out, breaking ‘no contact’ with my parents. It is sad the day you realize your progenitors are such hypocrites that despise their impoverished roots they are unwilling to accept someone so similar to them. It speaks volumes regarding their character and the more family secrets unearthed, the less surprised that I am.

To be rejected by one’s family for choosing happiness over affluence can cause one to question their own existence. If your approval of your children is predicated on their beliefs, then you do not value your children at all—You value your beliefs.

Several conversations with friends have helped shatter the fairytale image presented by my family, and, I would like to take a moment to express my gratitude to each of them. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and, well… for being there. I hope to pay it forward…

It’s all in your head and it isn’t; feelings come and go. It is our neurobiological makeup, which assists us to either enhance or suppress emotion. When left alone they last mere seconds.  Holding on to negative thoughts and emotions prolongs their life and our suffering. The first step in any recovery is acceptance and then you can let it go.

“Do you believe in what the fairytales teaches now? Let’s find out. I read that verse ever after doesn’t have to hurt. And I’m sure it won’t...”— Vacation, Lyrics by ShenendoahT

"Unity"Process Art by S. Loch - As Originally Seen in Dueling Moods Blog & Dual Forms Gallery

It Is What It Is…Is It?

The Martyred Madonna

 “I valued your accomplishments more than I esteemed my own…my role as mother surpassed any other role I had. I was prouder of what you had done than any accomplishment I achieved…”

The over glorification of motherhood hurts us all; the selfless matriarch paints an unrealistic picture of ‘Mommy.’ Woman is self-sacrificing through the act of pregnancy and motherhood, an adopted societal ideology over years of patriarchal penetration, debases the foundations of feminism and undermines fathers and other parental figures alike. The Martyred Madonna, an object to her family and proclaimed “God-bearer” is a master manipulator, playing the female victim card to emotionally control.  Miss marionette holds the strings…the world her stage.

Many truths are revealed in the paradigms of tragedy and comedy. “You know what your problem is? You’re putting the pussy on a pedestal!” (The 40 Year Old Virgin). Do you know how hard it is to find a pedestal?!

For many years I held family in high regard. During adolescence, I was reminded of sacrifices made for the children and barraged with statements such as, “I sacrificed my life for you!” or “I gave up so much for you!” Comments like this may be wielded by narcissistic parents in efforts to, “control and emotionally blackmail their offspring and instill in them guilt, shame and codependence” (Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited, pg. 621).

Emotional incest or shared psychosis, another manipulative tactic, employs the method of: triangularization, wherein one parent forms alliances with a child against the other parent and/or siblings. Basically, making good use of U.S. foreign policy, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” (Arthashastra, 4^th Century B.C.). This is especially easy to do if one parent is overtly abusive either physically, verbally, sexually and/or neglectful with substances. “You and I are united against the whole world, or at least against your monstrous, no-good father…” (Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited, pg. 622).

Earlier this year I discovered that I have a half-sister on my father’s side. When I met her, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. She has long blonde hair, big blue eyes, the same nose and that tooth! Meeting her was life changing and I learned a lot about my family of origin.

I don’t know much about my extended family except what has been captured and preserved through a lens. Remarks have been made in regards to my striking resemblance to my paternal grandmother, however upon meeting my half-sister…

I share this story because though no one could have foretold or designed my coincidental resemblance, it was a contributing variable in the malignant familial play. Prior to this knowledge, I empathized with the personality issues present in the family and became upset at the lack of support offered. Sadly, I now feel alienated against both parents alike (Parental Alienation Syndrome).

Remaining in any abusive situation for economical or classist privilege is self-effacing manipulation. Using it to frighten others to bow towards your will is equally abusive. Alienating a child from any family member is abuse. Regrettably, there is no Amber Alert for kidnapping a child’s mind…

 "Her"

Process Art by S. Loch - As Originally seen in Dueling Moods Writings and Dual Forms Gallery